Happiness How To's

Worries, fears, guilt, anger, shame, grief ... How can you be happy when your child is struggling, utterly dependent on a substance they wish they didn't need, that you wish they could just stop, or waiting for the next shoe to drop.  I have fallen into some deep, dark pits of despair during these times.  Happiness is very elusive when it's struggle after struggle and it seems relentless. 

There's that saying that you're only as happy as your least happy child.  Is that absolutely true though? Does it have to be true?  I mean isn't it just as true that you've had "happy moments" scattered throughout the struggles, even during or after some really tough days? Caught yourself smiling, giggling over something cute or something that filled your heart with gratitude?  Happiness! Is it absolutely necessary to be as unhappy as a child might be in order to love them, support them?  Is guilt about being happy going to help with that?   Even if not full on happy, full on shared misery isn't good for you, or your child.  So, let's re-think this one.

What is happiness anyway?  Is it continuous?  Sure doesn't seem like it is.  So let's just drop that unrealistic ideal or goal that one is to feel happy every day, no matter what.  And what if you can have the full spectrum of human emotions and still have some happiness, at least not full on despair and worry?  Just notice also that even in the midst of heavy challenges, there are moments of relief, moments of something other than terrible. 

Which means you're connected to the natural divine forward movement in our world, you've got some good intentions, inspired ideas, and are making pro-active choices to get out of bed and choose life.  You are so resilient!  My goodness you are resilient!  And a natural co-creator!  I'm pretty sure you've been choosing to live the best you can, and create some happiness in your life, some balance at least. Awesome YOU! 

Even though we will experience grief, worry, fear, anger, whatever it is we feel, and that's perfectly ok, we can find and create "happy"!  Here's the invitation:  Let's really allow and give ourselves permission to create some happiness, at the very least more pleasant, even when a child struggles with addiction, even when we struggle with their addiction, even more so because of that.  What if, in the midst of challenges, we feel all the feelings and emotions and choose to go in the direction of happiness, contentment, satisfaction, enjoyable, at least a willingness and personal agreement to take one small step towards "not miserable" if that's necessary? 

Who would you be then?  How would it feel?  What's possible?  How might it influence the energy and presence you share with and for your child?  What if "happiness" energy opened your heart to even more love so you could shine that out from your heart into the world, the world of your child in need of that kind of light?  Your own world in need of that kind of light? 

For the days when you might feel kind of tired, maybe after you've been kind to yourself and rested, when you could use some inspiration, here are some ideas to tip the scale, and tip your mind and heart toward "happy", even if on some days happy means you didn't stay in bed all day, again, and there might be some lightness waiting just for you. Here's a great resource for "happy ideas" from the Greater Good Science Project sharing their Happiness Calendar for October.

Some days happiness is such a deliberate choice.  So let's do this together.  

Love wins here! 

May peace be with you and your family,

Joanne

PS:  You're invited to get some more inspiration on the topics below and/or visit https://www.joannerichards.life/  to take a look around and continue our healing journey together.  Thank you!

How to Find Peace When You Worry - a guide with 3 powerful ways to be OK when things aren't OK. 

Letter from A Child - a message from a child struggling with substance use to a parent on love.

Love Shows Up Here - a little exercise for Love to guide you to show up at your best