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Drugs. It feels like we're bombarded with the violence of them. Threats. Abuse. Yes, even murder. Bombing boats allegedly carrying drugs. Now a weapon of mass destruction. The war is raging. Is it working to bring peace yet? Do you doubt it's even possible to find peace in all of this?
It also feels like so much of this news increases the stigma of addiction, mental illness, homelessness. If one can go off the rails, anyone can, right? No, not quite true!
Let's not allow our hearts and minds to be so swayed that we're overcome by generalized fear, a kind of violence within ourselves. Looking for danger. Looking for threat. Looking for trouble. Looking for blame. Looking for punishment. Looking for quick answers that don't even address the root cause, the real problem. Pushing our loved ones deeper into the root causes of addiction. Pushing ourselves deeper into fear and reactivity.
Yes, fear can be useful and it's here, often for good reason when we're talking addiction. However, it can bring you down a dark hole that isn't necessary to go down when it's not based on fact, and based on unquestioned beliefs and imagined future. What you seek you find, even if only in your mind, in the imagination. The violence of it is happening there, here and now, whether it's reality or not. How does it feel to have that kind of violence, that war raging within? Is there a stress free reason to stay there? What's the secondary benefit for being there? Are you getting that benefit or is it costing you your peace? Do you want to give away your peace? Are you still interested in that story?
How can we create peace from the inside out? How can we choose safety when we have to ... as an act of love? Love wants you safe. Love wants others safe too. And it is loving to intervene when there is risk of danger. It is loving to call police for help. It is loving to stop the madness, the abuse, the threats, drug use or not. It is loving to do whatever it takes to create a sense of safety in your mind, body, and spirit. That is peace. That is love.
How can you choose love over fear?
How can you love your person who struggles with addiction noticing the imagined fear, and inviting more clarity that either there's a known threat, or there's not? Or are there signs that it's going in that direction? Love offers clarity, where fear offers confusion. Is it hard to admit there's a threat, that there is abuse or more and do something about it? Yes. Might it be harder to live in fear of an imagined scary future, especially when circumstances can be managed without escalated interventions like police involvement? Yes, it is that way in my experience.
Are there extreme circumstances that no one saw coming? Yes! We live in a volatile world. But let's not allow that to create more fear and rather look at circumstances with facts, logically, informed, and doing our part to connect, communicate, and contribute to healthier possibilities, to influence, to create conditions that inspire change. Love does that. Here are some ways for Love to live through you:
- Try to educate yourself on the substance(s) your loved one is using, and the effects on their brain and body, their behavior.
- Be aware, not anticipating the worst because the worst happened to someone else.
- Doing your part and all you can to be a source of peace and connection, intelligently with skills, learning them if you don't have them.
- Create healthy boundaries you can live consistently, and accept whatever consequences come with living them. Boundaries are not all about the "no". To me, it's much more about clear "yes's" to meet your essential needs so that you don't resent someone else for not being able to read your mind or reacting to the confusion of inconsistency, or blamed that they are simply not able at this time to understand much less meet your needs.
Peace is the way. Peace in you is peace out of you and then that's the peace you create around you.
- Breathe in calm, breathe into your heart.
- Do not believe everything you think, most of it is not true.
- Take care of your body with nutrition, hydration, and movement. It matters to your brain and gut, to build your resilience.
- Notice beauty in your world, seek it.
- Practice gratitude.
- Serve others without return or acknowledgement.
You ~ part of the ultimate ripple effect of peace in this world that needs it so much. Because you need it so much. We all need it so much.
Let's not get stuck in the darkness of all the stories of addiction, and rather get stuck on the story of each of us as creators, creating and nurturing peace, loving with skills.
In this world where decreasing or eliminated funds and services are creating more complications, we must fund our hearts and minds with peace. We must serve peace. We must decrease the fear. We must be part of real solutions that address the real problems.
This is the best holiday gift ever! Best gift any day! May you find it now, create it now.
Love wins here!
Wishing you and your family peace in each day,
Joanne
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